I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
A+ Viking dick
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
