Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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