I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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