i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
