escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
