The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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