Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
