oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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