i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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