I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
party gras won. party gras always wins.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
