the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize