So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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