so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
