you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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