I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Randomize
