Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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