How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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