I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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