Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
