vagina is talking i cant
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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