Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
