Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
