i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
