I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
