mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
