You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
