So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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