I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
