I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Dignity is for republicans.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
