I'm drive I can fine osifer
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
