He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Do you still have your period?
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
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Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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