I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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