I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
