Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
