just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
