Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
