oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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