You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
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rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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