1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
