i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
