I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
