Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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