U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
