Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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