Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
