ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
