The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
