You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
