It was confusing and full of hummus
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
