i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
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i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
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I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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