i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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