OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
