i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
