How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Randomize
