Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
