Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
