Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
