Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
