Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
