i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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