so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
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A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
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Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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