So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
