How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people