I am spending my child support on dildos
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card