I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms